The process that I used for myself to transcend the pain which I was experiencing is what I now use to help other people and facilitate collective healing.

I literally spoke into a camera and played back the film everyday until I learned exactly who I was. I paid attention to the body language, the tonality in my voice, and the words I actually spoke. I soon found out that I was lying to myself, and I had to play it back before my eyes to catch that and admit to myself that I was denying my authenticity in my self-expression. I was hurting myself by making decisions that didn't truly serve me. What I had failed to realize time and time again was that my life was a lie because of the things people told me, the ideas they put in my mind about me, who I was, and even how I felt. Those ideas were perceptually manipulated so as to make me as close to the duplicate image they wanted to see of me, and further away from the truth that would set me free.

Nobody, and I mean nobody; nobody should ever be allowed to be in a position where they are told who they are, and not only who you are, but how you should feel too. As a part of my life experience, I had to go through perceptual programming and manipulative conditioning that turned myself inside out in a fight against me. I forgot who I was, and I had no grasp on my identity. Visually, it was as if a controlling hand made every intention to pick away at my skin and peel back the layers of me that didn't fit. Piece by piece I was peeled open to a new identity, and with all of my protection stripped from me, I became the representation of someone else's version of reality. I became a manifestation of their being, their character, and their ideals, and I would live it, for I had to dream with them to remain on the hook to love, to get my needs met.

This consumed me so much that not only was I sensitive to the world, but I became allergic to my sense of self, or my own authenticity, and allowed other people to stick their dirty fingers inside of me! They could shift me how they wanted, so long as I wasn't conscious of the adaptation. Over an extended period of time, my mental health had degraded so far as to progress in manifesting serious physical symptoms inside, and outside my body for all to see. The giant red beard reproducing around my mouth grew uninhibited in its expression. Sat plainly on my face as a sight to see was an itchy, scaly, peeling rash which somatically projected that I was not free to express myself. When I'd speak, the numbing evidence of any open oral gesture had deadened to an end; my cheeks had no room to move how they wanted to. They were conformed, and a quivering of lips was all I'd be able to utter my transgressions with.

Without failure, my false truth of a life was consuming me. I'd do everything in my power to cover up the mess, to change my diet, to clear up the fog that was in my head, but the problem was my mind. I was the problem, or was I? When I discovered my physical ailments and disease were connected to a thing called Narcissistic Abuse, a term that could identify the consequences of my lifetime fight to overcome the tug of war inside of me, my own enslavement to live within someone else's dream had cracked at the seams and the identity I had been rooted in came crashing down around me.

The moment I realized with my real eyes the real lies that filled my entire view of what I would call life, my entire world shattered with reality. My entire life was a lie. Around me, the people that made up my social construct had set up shelter inside the gateway to my mind with the prosperous prospect of creating my headspace for me. I'd have nothing to worry about. I'd be well taken care of. I just had to give up free reign and all autonomy to experience the part where I'd be truly loved. No problem at all really. I must have missed the part of the deal where that was made clear and acceptable. Y'know, the part where I was unknowingly betrayed against my own best interests for the benefit of others. - Classis Michael...He gets frustrated all the time for now knowing any better.

Without any help in processing my own pain, I'd be left alone in isolation, the worst pain any human can ever experience. Hell on earth, in human form, without humane beings. I was left to pick up the scraps of what would make my soul complete, the pieces of a twisted and demented puzzle to put together the misfortune that was my mind. Broken and hopeful, I picked up a camera I'd been using to document my health journey, but this time, I had the intention to say what bothered me.

Having been raped of my time, my health, and my education, my own thoughts and emotions would serve as my new compass. With a primed sense of direction, any distress I'd say would be stated back to me on recording as I'd piece together the picture, validating my experience, and searching for the truth between the thinly lined conditions where the puzzle pieces would begin to realign. This newfound attention to myself entailed transforming what thoughts I had caught - on the spot - that did not serve me into a new reality by truly grasping what did serve me, and displacing it. In real time, questioning the thoughts which would cause me stress and unpacking the significance of the feelings that caused me pain gave me hope in finding a new solution to my problems again and again as I would break the cycle of my perceptual trauma and renew the way I interacted within my relationships, especially the relationship I had with my inner self.

I created Awareness Documentation through capturing the way I was living and taking a moment to observe my own reflection, to truly see, hear, and feel my fragmented self as an accurate representation of what I needed within my health. Through a reflection that was not present in my relationships, I could see that pain was a part of life, growth, and the human experience. The more pain I would experience, the more I would confront the darkness and face the fear, the more I would see clearly that the value in pain was inherent. It was the universe's way of not teaching me, but showing me what required my attention so that I could have the self-compassion to self-reflect on my experiences and catch the lessons I needed from them by transmuting knowledge into wisdom as a pain evolving alchemist.

I had to learn that some things are taught, and other things are caught. To be free was a choice of witnessing what you were experiencing, and when in the observation of it, connecting the dots within your awareness to change your way of seeing problems as solutions. That meant I had the opportunity to bravely face the things I had to do, create for myself freedom for new creating so as to make space for what I'd want to do, and say yes with a degree of openness and innocence that allowed my creativity to flow into meeting my needs in a life-affirming way. None of this would have been brought to clarity unless if I hadn't slowed down enough to examine my life and what it was actually worth in the moment that was unfolding. To be the child I was inside, freed by enthusiasm, and empowered with loving dignity. Awareness Documentation gave me that.

Vulnerability in the eyes of others, relating to people's pain, being open, and asking for help became second nature to me. My most intimate heart breaking moments were caught on camera, setbacks and mishaps, never ending hurt from other people - just endless thoughts that would consume me. Had I not brought out that which was within me, what was within me would have destroyed me. When brought to light, what was within me actually saved me. It would stand to be the most important parts of my life, the time I was reborn, I learned who I was, and began walking in my calling, all there on film so others could know they could do it too. It was only possible because I picked up a camera and decided to start. Start healing. Start feeling. Start being a better human being.

This story would have me become a leader who wanted to unite people. This is what I wanted. With soulful purpose and intention, I wanted to make personal experiences and the sharing of them a new-life-currency, having conversations and sharing pain a way of life. A way out, but not truly out, rather a way in. A way into seeing yourself, feeling yourself, and truly being yourself without having to go it alone. Without having to be alone like I did. I wanted to create a family. A family of truth, healing, and emotional freedom, altogether one through having a shared experience. This family would be called The ModEvOp Famiglia. It stood for Mode Evolution Operation, and the opportunity to Unite All Nations.